Tue 15

Evolution of a Jason O'Malley Twitter Update

Rev 1: If my possession of nickels = x, for every time I was nickel and dimed, then (xy)-(xd)

Rev 2: If I had a nickel for every time I nickel and dimed someone, I bet the shareholders’d be pretty pissed.

Rev 3: If I had a nickel for every time I nickel and dimed someone, I bet the accountant would be on my ass about the missing dimes.

Rev 4: If I had a nickel for every time I nickel and dimed someone I can’t imagine I’d be very satisfied with my performance

Rev 5: If I had a nickel for every time that I nickel and dimed the March of Dimes, then that’s just dirty money.

Rev 6: If I had a nickel for every time I got nickel and dimed buying a dime bag I could hire someone to figure out what the hell that means.

Rev 7: If I had a nickel for every time I nickel and dimed someone, then I think it’s safe to say that I bought too many dime bags this quarter.

Final: If I had a nickel for every time I nickel and dimed someone, then I am doing a piss-poor job of keeping track of my dimes this quarter

I think you’ll agree that it was totally worth it.

Source: twitter.com/jason_omalley


Sat 16

You know how you’re a bad parent? This is for you.

Our latest Viral Video Film School - Bad Parents

Fri 15
Lies!! Tssskk! DVR Tssskk! (Dog Whisperer Sound)

Lies!!

Tssskk! DVR Tssskk! (Dog Whisperer Sound)

Tue 12
Thomotie, do you need a life raft? Because your story boat is fucking full of holes and sinking! Are you sure this kid was being laughed at because his name was Link? Maybe you misheard “laughed at,” and the story was that he was actually in danger of getting expelled after missing so much school while sexing all those cheerleaders because his name was fucking Link! And what’s with the time difference here? He was made fun of, and then six months later he’s like “fuck it, it’s over”? It just doesn’t make sense, especially because the Game Boy Advance SP was released in 2003 and he could play/pretend to be Link in the game of Zelda whenever/wherever, even though he could kind of already do that. And now you’re threatening me with the idea that Link will be pissed as though his legacy won’t live on unless we tell his story in the comments section of this adorable Slow Loris video? No, I’ll risk it. And the reason I’m willing to risk it is because my name is not Ganon, and according to Wikipedia, only Ganon antagonizes Link to the point of a night-stab-in-the-neck. Fortunately, this tale of Link will end here with me. To write a wrong, I’m going to go and dig up my SP, and forge a new chapter in Link’s life by starting a new game ofLegend of Zelda. Wish me luck. Sincereley, Definitely not Ganon

Thomotie, do you need a life raft? Because your story boat is fucking full of holes and sinking!

Are you sure this kid was being laughed at because his name was Link? Maybe you misheard “laughed at,” and the story was that he was actually in danger of getting expelled after missing so much school while sexing all those cheerleaders because his name was fucking Link!

And what’s with the time difference here? He was made fun of, and then six months later he’s like “fuck it, it’s over”? It just doesn’t make sense, especially because the Game Boy Advance SP was released in 2003 and he could play/pretend to be Link in the game of Zelda whenever/wherever, even though he could kind of already do that.

And now you’re threatening me with the idea that Link will be pissed as though his legacy won’t live on unless we tell his story in the comments section of this adorable Slow Loris video? No, I’ll risk it. And the reason I’m willing to risk it is because my name is not Ganon, and according to Wikipedia, only Ganon antagonizes Link to the point of a night-stab-in-the-neck.

Fortunately, this tale of Link will end here with me. To write a wrong, I’m going to go and dig up my SP, and forge a new chapter in Link’s life by starting a new game ofLegend of Zelda. Wish me luck.

Sincereley,
Definitely not Ganon

Mon 11
Yes. Be the Next Step! Finally, truth in advertising no matter how inadvertent. Don’t you see, you poor, stupid, huddled masses? By paying into this scheme YOU CAN BE A STEP literally meaning a step as a tool to raise oneself up to the next level. By paying into the scheme, the schemer will be using you, THE STEP, to rise to the next level. And I know you’re like that’s all awesome and perfect, “But no journey in history has ever began with a step off a cliff!” and you’re mostly right. But less you forget Raiders of the Lost Ark where he took the leap of faith onto the camouflage bridge thing and then he totally got the Jesus Cup! You could have the Jesus Cup and could totes be like Indiana Jones!! And he had a whip!! …or more likely you’ll take the “single step” and plummet horribly to your death. But even then, your body will like decay into bits of carbon, and then that will like totally get thrown back into mother earth, and then your carbon bits will be used to make stone steps, and then you will actually BE THE NEXT STEP. Whoa. Cosmic equillibrium & the circle of life. All thanks to the only point of life: Facebook.

Yes. Be the Next Step! Finally, truth in advertising no matter how inadvertent.

Don’t you see, you poor, stupid, huddled masses? By paying into this scheme YOU CAN BE A STEP literally meaning a step as a tool to raise oneself up to the next level. By paying into the scheme, the schemer will be using you, THE STEP, to rise to the next level.

And I know you’re like that’s all awesome and perfect, “But no journey in history has ever began with a step off a cliff!” and you’re mostly right. But less you forget Raiders of the Lost Ark where he took the leap of faith onto the camouflage bridge thing and then he totally got the Jesus Cup! You could have the Jesus Cup and could totes be like Indiana Jones!!

And he had a whip!!

…or more likely you’ll take the “single step” and plummet horribly to your death. But even then, your body will like decay into bits of carbon, and then that will like totally get thrown back into mother earth, and then your carbon bits will be used to make stone steps, and then you will actually BE THE NEXT STEP.

Whoa.
Cosmic equillibrium & the circle of life.
All thanks to the only point of life: Facebook.

Sun 10
So you’re asking me to agree not to use my MP3 music software to run a nuclear power plant? No promises.

So you’re asking me to agree not to use my MP3 music software to run a nuclear power plant?

No promises.

Thu 7
NazyTV, I appreciate that you gave me 2 hours to post on 15 videos, that is a very generous amount of time to do such an easy task. It even almost makes up for the fact that you kind of slipped that whole “if u read this far u will die in 10 days” clause into the contract you fucking douche. CamBroz, shouldn’t you two be in class right now? And Oliver K, this is hardly the time to be worrying about kissing skills as I’m going to die in a matter of days! And I don’t need mild suffocation to tell me that I’m a bad kisser. Me, my suicidal intentions, and my razor blade have known that for years. I think I’m just going to avoid waiting the 10 days and just cut to the chase. But, before I pass on from this world I just wanted to leave you with the comforting words of an old friend… good luck hope u don’t die !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NazyTV, I appreciate that you gave me 2 hours to post on 15 videos, that is a very generous amount of time to do such an easy task. It even almost makes up for the fact that you kind of slipped that whole “if u read this far u will die in 10 days” clause into the contract you fucking douche.

CamBroz, shouldn’t you two be in class right now?

And Oliver K, this is hardly the time to be worrying about kissing skills as I’m going to die in a matter of days! And I don’t need mild suffocation to tell me that I’m a bad kisser. Me, my suicidal intentions, and my razor blade have known that for years. I think I’m just going to avoid waiting the 10 days and just cut to the chase. But, before I pass on from this world I just wanted to leave you with the comforting words of an old friend…

good luck hope u don’t die !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed 6
So I guess this is some weird form of braggadocio?? Like… Yo Mama so susceptible to disease, mother fucking common cold makes her bedridden for weeks. or Boy, ain’t you never heard of Vitamin C? No, you ain’t never heard of it. And that’s why it’s mo- like Vitamin C You in the hospital, cause that’s where you’ll need to go to get anti-biotics and tests done. Yeah! Take that, inflated ego of patients with low white blood cell counts. Glad you finally got what the doctor ordered… or…the opposite of what he ordered.

So I guess this is some weird form of braggadocio?? Like…

Yo Mama so susceptible to disease, mother fucking common cold makes her bedridden for weeks.

or

Boy, ain’t you never heard of Vitamin C? No, you ain’t never heard of it. And that’s why it’s mo- like Vitamin C You in the hospital, cause that’s where you’ll need to go to get anti-biotics and tests done.

Yeah! Take that, inflated ego of patients with low white blood cell counts. Glad you finally got what the doctor ordered…

or…the opposite of what he ordered.

Sun 3
Oh, gee whiz mister. I would put the following quirps in bullet points, but I’m just too darn excited! You really mean it!? Everything I ever wanted…trees AND a sidewalk. Golly, I can’t even think of one tax-supported park that already has both of those. And all I haz to do is just help other people out, like in a pyramid scheme? I love pyramids!!! And you’re promising unlimited income which is such an impossible number that it would be impossible that problems could arise from it. Shucks, I can’t wait to start. Where do I sign? Thanks, Facebook.

Oh, gee whiz mister. I would put the following quirps in bullet points, but I’m just too darn excited!

You really mean it!? Everything I ever wanted…trees AND a sidewalk. Golly, I can’t even think of one tax-supported park that already has both of those.

And all I haz to do is just help other people out, like in a pyramid scheme? I love pyramids!!!

And you’re promising unlimited income which is such an impossible number that it would be impossible that problems could arise from it.

Shucks, I can’t wait to start. Where do I sign?

Thanks, Facebook.

Sat 2

new Viral Video Film School - Tattoos

You should watch it partially because I’m asking nicely, partially because I pitched it, partially because I make a cameo in it, and mostly because the girl in the thumbnail is almost nekkid.